Lina and Hussen

For the past couple of weeks, I've been continuing on my Tahajjud prayers (الحمد لله) and doing isthikhara, asking Allah to guide my and your heart to the right path He chose for me and you. I asked Allah:

And I believe that the answer to my dua couldn't have seemed any clearer from my side. If we're truly each other's naseeb, Allah will bring us together in His own timing, not ours. He will put our hearts at ease. And most of all, I want your heart to feel peace. That's my priority, so that's what I'm trying to do here, insha'Allah.

With all the reflection I had processing my feelings, I realized how much you mean to me and how much I care about you. Everyday since our last call, I prayed for your safety. I wanted to know if you are getting home safe and if you are doing well in general. Earlier, I mentioned that I was praying saying, if we're really each other's naseeb, for Allah to make me use my time wisely, to make me understand what I want, to open up my heart, and to be useful to those around me and most of all, to help me make you feel peace in your heart. Alhamdulillah, He made me so productive in so many things over the past couple of weeks. I led our masjid's effort of organizing a youth bbq for the community. Alhamdulillah, more than 60 people showed up and it was a good time. We're also organizing a night market food festival for August, and like I told you last time, I'm working on bringing more small businesses involved so that they get recognition. Alhamdulillah, things are going well so far. I (and two of my friends) also got invited by the management at our masjid to attend Ummrah with all our costs fully covered by World Assembly of Muslim Youth (WAMY) during the first week of August. Unfortunately, because of the timeframe though, we're not able to go. We're also organizing a big camping trip for more than 9 masajid in the New York and New Jersey area that's going to be over Labor day weekend. We're expecting more than 200 people to come, insha'Allah. I also got invited to a big retreat at work to go on a vacation with the highest management team. Now, I'm not saying any of this just for the sake of it. None of this is possible without Allah and I believe He is using this to make me better, to make me useful to those around me, to improve me, and make me deserve you insha'Allah. One other thing that I'm working on right now is a system that our masjid (and any other masjid in the future) can use to facilitate their work. It's an application that masjids can use to show prayer times and stuff, like most masjids have, but will also allow them to organize events, keep track of volunteers, manage donations, and more, in an organized way. I have learned that some masjids pay $500 a month for a service like this, so it's very needed. I would send you the website for you to look at it and try it, but it's not fully online yet since I'm still developing it, but I've recorded some of the features in the video that I've linked. May Allah put barakah in the work and make it useful in a way that pleases Him.

So Alhamdulillah, Allah has helped me a lot throughout this time, but while doing all of this, I noticed how all of this would have been much sweeter and felt better if you were besides me on my side. My dream for us is to be there for each other and support one another through all of what life has to offer. I want to be there for you throughout everything, supporting you and cheering you on in every way. And most of all, I want us to grow together in our deen, striving in the way of Allah and His beloved Prophet (SAW).

One example of how I was freaked out during our meeting was when I realized all the things that make us similar. For example, in the Starbucks, while we were waiting for the bus to take us back to the train station, you mentioned that you're very particular to how things are organized. Like, if you organized books, for example, if someone comes and rearranges them, you'd know about it. Even if it was a slight arrangement. And it's exactly the same for me. So when you said that, I kind of freaked out a bit internally and there were a lot of moments like this throughout the day where I just thought, "the feeling I'm experiencing now is something I've never experienced before," and now I know it's the purest form of love. Alhamdulillah. You might think it's weird how I remembered that one interaction of us the the Startbucks, but it's not just that one. For me, when it comes to people I really care about, I remember every little detail. I remember every comment that you made, all the conversations we had during our matcha trip (matcha in the pic). I remember the name of the cafe we went to and even the pop up coffee shop at ICNA that you showed me on Instagram and so many more. I remember the outfit you wore that day and not just that day as well. I remember the Winnie the Pooh shirt you wore during one of our video calls 😁. I even remember the book your sister was reading on the train (Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie). I even remember the sticker you have on your laptop from one of the photos you sent me (the praying women masha'Allah). Every little thing that is associated with you stays with me. Even now, I don't use Instagram much because I don't have much time, but when I see some of the stories you post, it tells me that you're okay, which calms me down and puts my heart at ease. It also reminds me of something. I don't know if you remember, but once, you asked me, which one of your photos on Instagram was my favorite. I then looked at your profile and told you which ones (although all of them are amazing). By me looking at that once, it was almost like a photographic memory for me because when I saw one of your recent IG stories, I realized that, "oh, this was taken in Italy. I saw it in one of her Italy posts." And in another story, I was like, "when she posted this picture previously, I told her she looks amazing in green 💚 and she taught me that green is the favorite color of our Prophet (SAW)."

All of these things are just engrained in my brain effortlessly because it's you. You have a very special place in my heart and my mind, and Allah has allocated that part just for you. That's why I'm able to say and remember so much about you. And whatever I've written here so far doesn't even scratch the surface of how much I care about you and how much you mean to me.

Now with all that said, I'm not expecting your heart to feel at ease over night. All I'm asking is for you to give us one more chance for the sake of Allah. And to allow us to work towards it. The reason for the change of heart you had could be because how I acted after our meeting, but it could also be other things. It could also be getting the feelings of unreadiness. It's all fine. You can just mention anything and everything that is bothering you and we can work through them together insha'Allah. I believe Allah has taught us a lot throughout this process, and I ask you to give us one more chance. I also think, how we went about it last time, while it had a lot of good aspects and was islamically grounded (thanks to some of your rules including not calling after Maghrib), can be made even better. Getting family involved, I think, is important, not only islamically speaking to make things halal, but also to make sure that we get the advice and support we need from them insha'Allah. Again, none of what I'm saying here is to put pressure on you, but just to show you how much you mean to me and to let you know that I respect you a lot to do anything that compromises you and our islamic guidelines.

Finally, I want to end with Quranic Duas that I have been reciting and have helped me find clarity. We can work on them together and gain peace of heart insha'Allah: